Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pondering

I'm still recovering from recent illness. It was probably one of the worst ill moments of this year, which I took really bad because I was alone and no one actually knew I was ill apart from very few friends. I had been having fever for four days before I decided it's high time to go back home to my parents' house and got proper treatment and care. Luckily I did that because further blood test showed Salmonella in my blood, which meant I got the infamous typhoid. A level 4 typhoid, whatever that meant. Oh, plus measles. Hence, the outrageous fever.

Anyway, the (more or less) 10 days of laying down helpless, relying a lot on my mum and dad, I realised how lonely and fragile I was. Well, I've known I'm fragile in terms of having a rather weak and sickly body. Trust me I've tried to take care of myself, but sometimes my body just fails me. I guess I didn't get the healthy edition when God created the body. God, can I ask for a new healthier body?

I was also reminded about my parents/family. I couldn't remember the last time I was held by my dad, and it happened when I passed out on the living room. He was the one lifted me off the floor and then held me tight in his arms. When I started to get my consciousness back, I saw my dad holding me and my mum's panic-stricken face in front of me. It was like a dream, but I remembered that despite my high fever, my dad's cheek felt warm. So were his arms. And my mum felt soft and I felt safe when I leaned on her on our way to the emergency room. I realised how much I love them, despite the occasionally I'm-going-mad feeling when staying with my parents for more than five days.

I am getting better , but I'm still feeling rather claustrophobic for staying in a room for more than three days. My parents' bedroom is significantly larger than the "space" that I have here in this city, but I couldn't stay too long in a room now. So the office became a weird comfort, for the spacious room and bright lights and huge windows. That sounds weird, but that's how it is.

I know I still feel lonely, but I'm learning to not give too much attention to it. A friend told me to meet new people and just hang out at different events. I realised I don't want new friends, I want my old friends: the ones who have been in my life for ages and ages and ages. The one who is now grieving for his sick mother; the one who is now just entering marriage life; the one who is now thinking about serious career and marriage; the one who is struggling finding excitement in life; the one who is now doing things that I don't really understand but apparently it's good for him. I want these people, I want them close to me. But alas, that can't be done. Maybe I should find new friends.

Being sick can be good. It gives me time to think a lot, to ponder on things which I have neglected so far because I was too busy, or so I said to myself. I know now that I don't have any special feelings for anyone. I thought I had; now I think I was exaggerating. I know now that I'm quite depressed with my current job. Not the job mind you; it's the welfare situation. I also know that I am confused with my future plan. Everything is pretty messed up, although I said it is not. Worry much? Maybe. Maybe not.

I'm glad I'm not sick anymore...for now at least. I'm glad I had been ill, because then I realised different things. Now, where did I put the soul charger away?

Friday, December 2, 2011

#Occupy Duduki

I have heard about the #occupy movement which has been going all over the world since quite some time. Maybe you have too, or maybe you haven't. It is directed to economic and social inequality, with its "we are the 99 percent" catch-phrase. Funny enough I first learnt about the movement after I read one of the blogs I am currently following. And that was the myth retold dude's blog (it's a very interesting blog, go and check it out). I think he was also taking part in the occupying (I think Chicago) movement. And then I logged in to my favourite news site, and there it was. Each country has their own, including here. We have what we call "Duduki Jakarta".

I went twice to their meetings. It is always held at the open area of the Stock Exchange building which is located on one of the busiest main roads in the city. The first meeting was sometime last month. My friend was curious and wanted to check it out, and I came along. It was nothing much. We didn't even join the discussion. Sitting from a distance, I realised the megaphone didn't do
a good job. The group of people was too little to create a human megaphone, thus the message was lost with the (strong) passing wind. I read the posters. They didn't say much, other than the usual phrases. I was wondering who constituted the 99 percent in this country and whether this small group was trying to represent them or not. Questions were dully noted.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to see the same friend at another Duduki Jakarta's meeting. I arrived late, coming from work and going through the heavy traffic. As I sat down beside the said friend, he gave me a leaflet. I asked him what these people were discussing before I came and he said he didn't quite get it since the road in front of us was packed with cars and bikes and people, it was so noisy and that rotten megaphone was still rotten. Plus he doesn't really speak Indonesian. But read the lea
flet he said. So I did.

I have to say I was not impressed with the leaflet. The writing was all over the place; the argument was poorly delivered with so many grammatical errors and typos, it's like reading my old zine from junior high school. The issue was Papua. They wanted the government to, of course, improve the situation, especially related to the existence of Freeport. I was a bit confused. There are other movement or NGOs that supported Papua's improvement. Why weren't they involved in Duduki Jakarta? Instead, they invited Institut A (do support them if you can and want. They are trying to make a difference). I think it's interesting to invite Institut A in the discussion, but surely there are other parties who have been involved in Papua's issues and therefore would be able to contribute more information related to that issue?

Furthermore, there was a remark from a guy about how small the Duduki Jakarta's group was (there were at least a dozen of us). And the man who responded to that remark (I guess he's the coordinator or something) said that small number is not a problem and it's because this kind of movement was a new way of delivering ideas. At that I raised an eyebrow. New? As in, never done before in Indonesia? Was he serious? Apparently he was, because he continued saying the same thing again and again.

Has sitting in a public area and discussed never been done before the #occupy movement started? I remember the "informal" meetings that I and my friends used to have in Bandung where we just sat and talked about different issues: politic, economic, social, even literature. Did we achieve anything from that? Other than idea exchange, no, not really. Has Duduki Jakarta achieve anything so far? I have no idea. I don't even understand who they are representing and what actions they have taken so far other than talking to one another for the past two months. I am not by any means belittling this movement. I think it's good that someone (or some people) initiated this and is still persistent to make it happen. However, I do think actions talk louder than a crappy megaphone.

Which brought me to Institut A and what they have been doing so far. As a community-based movement, they are focusing on activities which are quite simple, yet can attract various people. The needle n bitch is an interesting (and empowering) DIY
project. It's creative and profitable. It can inspire people to do different things. The bottom line is: they are doing things, making things, involving lots of different people. Maybe Duduki Jakarta should learn from them...fast.

A side note: one of the participants introduced herself and said this and that and mentioned that one of her concerns was to ban cigarette smoke in public "spaces". My friend from Institut A laughed and apologised,
because before she smoked there, and half an hour later, lit her cigarette and puffed away. If I was still smoking, I would definitely join her.


Occupy my chest saja lah :P