Menyambung tulisan saya yang sebelumnya, saya baru mendapatkan kejelasan alasan kenapa warga setempat di lingkungan tempat tinggal pacar saya harus meributkan keberadaan perempuan Indonesia di rumah sang pacar.
Klarifikasi cerita ini datang ketika saya akhirnya bisa bertemu dengan sang pacar dan teman serumahnya (yang juga berpacaran dengan orang Indonesia). Bapak RT menjelaskan pada mereka bahwa tidak jadi masalah jika lelaki Indonesia atau perempuan non-Indonesia menginap di rumah tersebut tapi tidak untuk perempuan Indonesia. Kenapa? Karena mereka (warga) ingin melindungi kepentingan perempuan Indonesia, khususnya yang datang ke rumah orang asing ini.
O may gawd. Itu mungkin alasan paling busuk--yang sayangnya sudah bisa saya duga--yang bisa dikemukakan oleh seorang Pak RT mewakili aspirasi warga setempat.
Secara tidak langsung mereka membuat klaim 1) perempuan Indonesia yang datang ke sana harus dan butuh dilindungi; 2) lelaki non-Indonesia di sana tidak dapat dipercaya untuk "melindungi" perempuan Indonesia yang berkunjung dan menginap; 3) perempuan non-Indonesia entah dipercaya bisa melindungi diri sendiri atau sudah terlalu biadab untuk dilindungi oleh warga setempat; 4) warga bisa memberikan perlindungan dalam bentuk entah apa terhadap kami, saya, perempuan Indonesia.
O may gawd lagi.
Saya tidak butuh dilindungi dari pacar saya sendiri, itu sudah jelas. Kalau pun iya, I can protect myself and I certainly don't need or ask for the neighborhood's protection. And I'm fully aware that the whole protecting business is just one load of crap. They all have such a boring life, they need to put their noses in other people's business, creating reasons for them to life on until probably the end of the world.
Si teman saya sambil tertawa mengejek berkata, "They want to protect you, Ari, from the immoral 'bule' like us. They want to preserve your high values as a women."
Saya kemudian mengusulkan pada mereka untuk mulai memelihara seekor babi lucu di rumah itu. Mungkin itu akan meredakan tingkat ketegangan di sekitar rumah. What's more fun than walking your pet pig around the neighborhood in the afternoon?
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Social norms and its problems
We are living in a society with, why of course, social norms. Especially in Indonesia, these social norms are the way of conduct to be upheld, the way you--as a part of the society--react and act on different issues in life. One particular section in such norms is how a girl or woman to act decently or properly.
It always fascinates me the way Indonesian society rules the way Indonesian women live their lives. I, for example, have been an object to this social regulation imposed forcefully upon me. I'm currently dating a non-Indonesian (hate to say foreigner, because he's no longer "foreign"). As any normal dating process would go, I'd regularly visit my boyfriend and vice versa. Sometimes I'd spend a night at his place and he would do the same. I would go to the office early in the morning since traffic's always crazy in this city.
Apparently, my--perhaps--quite often appearances early in the morning in the neighborhood had risen a problem. The neighbors (I suspect they're the non-working women that watch too much telly) reported to the neighborhood security guards that there were several Indonesian girls who spent the night at my boyfriend's house. He lives with several other people, and one of his friend also dates an Indonesian. And the neighbors don't like seeing girls coming in and out of the house. So came a security guard telling the people at the house to not allow any (Indonesian) girl to stay over again.
I will emphasize the nationality here. In the house, there is also a couple who basically are living together. But they're both Germans which of course the guy constantly sleeps over at the girl's place doesn't raise any issue. Why? I guess it's easier for the neighbors to accept the fact that foreigners have a different way of life and interact with each other. But fellow Indonesians must uphold the norms. Or they don't suspect anything from the Germans couple, yet they have a certain idea on us, me, Indonesian girls that visit regularly the "bule's" house. The general idea is girls dating foreigners are not "perempuan baik-baik", loosely translated they are not "decent women". And this idea is sooooo last century or so.
Do the neighbors still have the narrow view on Indonesian girls dating foreigners? Why my action--spending night at a foreigner's house--was considered as inappropriate? Am I degrading myself by doing so? Why would they bother? My action has not created any loss on their side. However, their action has made spending time together with my boyfriend a bit difficult. It won't affect my relation of course but the society--not even the one I'm living in--has obstructed bits of my freedom. It would be nice if they would just come directly to me and explain this issue. Instead, they went to the security guard who later came to the house and talked to my boyfriend. Typical communication pattern in an Indonesian society.
This is not my first experience in this issue. I really hope this will be the last, even I highly doubt that there won't be this kind of problem in the future if I date a foreigner.
It always fascinates me the way Indonesian society rules the way Indonesian women live their lives. I, for example, have been an object to this social regulation imposed forcefully upon me. I'm currently dating a non-Indonesian (hate to say foreigner, because he's no longer "foreign"). As any normal dating process would go, I'd regularly visit my boyfriend and vice versa. Sometimes I'd spend a night at his place and he would do the same. I would go to the office early in the morning since traffic's always crazy in this city.
Apparently, my--perhaps--quite often appearances early in the morning in the neighborhood had risen a problem. The neighbors (I suspect they're the non-working women that watch too much telly) reported to the neighborhood security guards that there were several Indonesian girls who spent the night at my boyfriend's house. He lives with several other people, and one of his friend also dates an Indonesian. And the neighbors don't like seeing girls coming in and out of the house. So came a security guard telling the people at the house to not allow any (Indonesian) girl to stay over again.
I will emphasize the nationality here. In the house, there is also a couple who basically are living together. But they're both Germans which of course the guy constantly sleeps over at the girl's place doesn't raise any issue. Why? I guess it's easier for the neighbors to accept the fact that foreigners have a different way of life and interact with each other. But fellow Indonesians must uphold the norms. Or they don't suspect anything from the Germans couple, yet they have a certain idea on us, me, Indonesian girls that visit regularly the "bule's" house. The general idea is girls dating foreigners are not "perempuan baik-baik", loosely translated they are not "decent women". And this idea is sooooo last century or so.
Do the neighbors still have the narrow view on Indonesian girls dating foreigners? Why my action--spending night at a foreigner's house--was considered as inappropriate? Am I degrading myself by doing so? Why would they bother? My action has not created any loss on their side. However, their action has made spending time together with my boyfriend a bit difficult. It won't affect my relation of course but the society--not even the one I'm living in--has obstructed bits of my freedom. It would be nice if they would just come directly to me and explain this issue. Instead, they went to the security guard who later came to the house and talked to my boyfriend. Typical communication pattern in an Indonesian society.
This is not my first experience in this issue. I really hope this will be the last, even I highly doubt that there won't be this kind of problem in the future if I date a foreigner.
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